i've been trying to conquer expert minesweeper for the past half hour. WITHOUT SUCCESS.

always coming so close, but not careful enough at the end.

sigh.

it feels boring not having you to talk with now!

shall go to sleep.

i think being able to cook is one of the biggest qualities a person can possess. like today, i'm full of admiration for johnnie and dawn for their culinary skills, johnnie for his sambal prawns and dawn for her spaghetti but most importantly, the delicious apple crumble! haha. and when i got home from dawnie's i tried my mum's new dish, which was meatball something. super nice also! gosh my mother can FINALLY cook. hahah because she's learning from aunty betty the pro. of course LOG has no shortage of good bakers too, bel with her banana cake, kris with her strawberry thing etc etc.

suddenly, i feel like learning how to cook too. so i can cook for you guys! haha. i'm gonna ask for recipes soon.

ok today i really ate alot. few days ago i said i'm going to eat less but today omg, i couldn't keep my word. you seriously can't resist temptation on days like this. haha. i think from tmr onwards i shall try to cut down yes! because i need to save money too. seriously running out of cash due to massive overspending this holidays. pool dinner dota woo. i'm drying myself out.

i didn't have enough sleep today again! even though i woke up at 11. i need more days to just lie in bed and recoup my hours lost. but oh well. i need to get up early to go running some days too. and i miss playing soccer at kensington park. always no time. play on sunday leh. lol.

MUSICAL ON FRIDAY. biggest thing on my mind now. hope we do well ): please don't expect too much people!

and i've gotta start studying soon.

blah.

MORE TIME MORE TIME!

ah just finished watching the aeroplane show on channel u. its such a nice show, compared to stupid singapore serials on channel 8. the actors look so freaking cool in their uniforms, especially yichen. suddenly i want to be a pilot too! dream dream dream. somehow, hongkong artistes are better looking than singaporean artistes. haha.

i think suyi and ahxin are pretty. hmm the cool one is okay? haha not bad too i guess.

rah i feel so tired i think i need sleep. but somehow i can't bear to sleep so early because its the holidays and its UNLIKE me to retire before at least 12.

can't think of stuff to blog today. so UNLIKE me. okay. shall stop here.

canteen this morning was great i guess. i learnt a new skill! and thats too make coffee and tea. its quite a tedious and messy job but oh well. next time we do canteen bet i'll be the one doing it again. haha. we made quite an amount guys! like 1111.10. my mum says thats alot. lol. and we had food left at the end.

ah well. we've learnt our lessons.

after that went to rayrin's house. gosh glad i finally did a substantial amount of exercise today because i'm seriously getting fat with all the singing and eating and playing pool and dotaing and tellying. i kinda don't like running but i used to force myself to go running all the time. sports still rock.

and i can't make it for soccer tmr morning again. cos of choir ):

when i did get to play soccer today, i was already too tired to run. sigh. but badminton is still as good. after that we went back to play mahjong and cards and rayrin's father cooked super delicious beehoon and curry. couldn't resist the temptation of the taopok! haha.

now i'm back and i just had a really nice bath. suprisingly, i didn't sing in the shower today. guess i was not really in the mood. ah well.

i think i've got alot of questions i need answers for.

or maybe its just one?

hmm.

praise god for today.

i'm feeling kinda drained right now, both physically and mentally. yes. firstly all the choir pracs plus running around plus last nights "evaluation" session has really left me exhausted. such that i slept throughout today's entire homily. shucks. and i'm tired of being emo, but its something i can't really control. if the emoness is turned on, its turned on.

that reminds me why someone once told me that i'm quite emotion orientated.

oh well.

my throat seriously hurts because last night i didn't have enough sleep. and today i kinda sang out loud in the morning, like i always do. now it feels even worse. and then after choir prac i just felt kinda dead walking around bugis and ps and all, as in physically yea. now i don't even feel like exercising although i see the need to. guess i shall start on a REAL diet tmr. and routine exercise. yes.

anyway, i really hope tmr's canteen doesn't turn out to be a flop. just now we realised we didn't do so much stuff and there is so much to worry about. stuff like the petty cash, manpower, collecting of food, plates and utensils. blah. in the end me soo jes and joan went to ntuc to buy the coffee and tea and stuff then after that me and soo went to changwang to buy the french loaf. and had to get jon to help out with the plates and all. otherwise TMR WE CAN'T SERVE OUR FOOD. OH THE HORROR. yea and i was trying to settle the coffee and tea and all this afternoon and my dad had to irritate me. shan't elaborate on it.

was reading dawnie's blog and i saw that one of her wants is to learn how to make cheesecake! hahah. yay then we can all go her house and pig after that. like always (:

======

i dunno why this is happening. one minute i feel so close, one minute so distant. i don't want to give up because i don't even know whether i still stand a chance. do i?

hmm.

i want god back in my life.
i really do.
but what is stopping me?
what?

i wonder what happened to my trust in his will.

did a quiz on shuwei's blog. and its quite accurate!

here are the results.

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

hello. i'm blogging (:

right, i just stepped home, but i just decided to do this first. the emotion i'm feeling now is really hindering my typing, because i really dunno what to say. everything feels messy, messy. why do i always feel this way? its weird because when it comes to things like these i just let my emotions do the thinking.



why can't i control my thoughts better?
i hate jumping to conclusions.
i hate thinking negative.
i hate to see things and let my mind run wild on them.



oh well. amidst the tea party today, amidst the pool, amidst the talk after dinner, i've had alot of time to just think. and sometimes i can't help but admit the things you guys say do have an impact on me. some part of me, can't face up to reality. some part of me is still living the dream. while some part of me feels happy. i don't know. all these stuff somehow contradict. and i really can't figure, because whenever i feel like i'm sure, something just comes along and blows me off. ah. i hate drifting in and out of the emo world.



really starting to think. that i really don't deserve it


i'm so sorry for taking you for granted in the past.
expecting nothing in return. yup. the true meaning of it.



rah. if only you could tell me in the face.



thanks to the peeps at the table just now. i appreciate the people around me. i really do.



thank god for friends (: and of course the funny stuff that happen. like JOHNNIE SPITTING TEA ALL OVER YUTING AND KENNY :D hahah.

and i say, bitching is bad. lol.

with that, i'm off (:

haha today was a day filled with mixed emotions. but i shan't elaborate why.

anyway choir ended "early" today. like around 12? haha i was like thinking. we still start at 9 and ending at 12 means 3 hours of choir which actually is quite long. but nowadays 3 hours really feels very short. we did a run of the first half scenes and the last scene, and hopefully with today's and yesterday's work, we'll be able to pull through in front of nelson tmr. i really hope we can do it well argh.

after choir some of us went to gelare, where nice shixuan treated me to a muffin. hahah. and of course i koped some of the waffles the people bought. anyway i was suprised bout what you guys talked about. lol. oh well. then after that went opp coffeeshop to eat a REAL lunch then headed off to tampines mall, where we hung out at popular and toys'r'us. i loved the teddy bears. hahaha. but anyway tm is super crowded, i hate super crowded places.

and then after toys'r'us me and zha went to meet zhijue and alford! haha haven't seen them for a long time and zhijue is still as sick as ever. you'll see why later. but yea we met up to play lan, BUT SINCE the lan place at tampines closed down, we went all the way to eastpoint to play at raiders where the coms were so lousy. moreover we played for 2 hours plus and it cost like 6.30 omg. melvin joined us midway through. haha.

okay so yea we were on the train to pasir ris when i made this comment that zhijue's gf next time sure must be dua neh bu (DNB). cos from the time we met he's been pinching zha's and alfords nipples (haha) and um he commented bout sunyanzi being flat. which of course made yizha so sad. )): double sad smiley for him. haha. okay so yea then i kinda said that quite loud, then he still say "YA CONFIRM CONFIRM!" so loud in the train, such that everyone around us heard. lol so embarrassing. then this woman behind started laughing. gosh.

yup so we went to costa sands chalet and there i met up ONCE AGAIN with my seniors, as well as juniors. haha it was really nice to see everyone again and it was esp nice to talk to mx jon jiawei jason that gang. really crappy and all. glad some of you are coming to vj. haha. ate enough for me to be full, but was just glad that there was time to catch up. the brotherhood feeling came back for that period of time. haha.

AND THEN, we realised something. zhijue didn't know the meaning of taopok. so, we were bent on making him "eat" one. haha. so yea we brought him to the room and told him to lie down, but he sorta like got it but 4 of them threw him on the bed and we all piled up. lol. so funny. zhijue is dumb. before that we still can trick him by asking him to go lie down and rest first then we decide on a person to go buy the taopok. hahah freakin dumb.

left bbq at like close to 9 to go play pool but sadly there were no tables, so me and zha decided to go home. messaged mr heng on the way back to thank him. had a great time today (:

yup and SO. i blogged again today. see?

haha.

lalalala. i should stop emoing.

i put on weight again! argh! but i dunno why i've been eating not alot and i've been exercising quite alot. and i can't possibly like gain weight so fast. i'm having less flabs too! is it more muscles thats why! i hope so. hahaha.

maybe i should stop exercising for 10 days. then i'll start to lose weight. i just did like 200 situps just now and tried to do more for my ribs but couldn't lift myself up anymore. so i stopped ): then got too lazy to do pushups. WHY. argh.

anyway sorry for this morning's haphazard and boring and sleepy session. sorry kris for not helping much and for not being able to control my laughter. haha. oh well at least our group is over for session. CANTEEN NEXT WEEK. i hope it goes well. we haven't had a log canteen before! yay kristin is gonna bake strawberry crusty thingy and bel is gonna make oreo cheesecake. gosh. FOOD.

after session i proceeded back home to change before going to ms poh's house. suprisingly, there was only me wanting huping and may. may was busy making the sims have sex so the other 3 of us watched "just friends". nice show! haha hasn't come out in the movies yet but pohpoh's sister got it from china. its all bout this guy once being fat and then became thin and then tried to get together with this girl he was best friends with in high school, which was ten years ago. hahah.

forgiveness.
its not all about saying sorry.

stupid song. hahah. yup so after the adventure at wanting's house me shuwei huping and wanting went to marina square for dinner! checked almost every restaurant there was and decided to eat at cavana. nice place i wanna go there to eat the "hot chicks" meals. hahah. they looked super good too bad i didn't buy. after that went to swenson's and i ate my banana split (: yay super pig. but i'm happy.

lovely revelation. ms poh wan ting has the longest tongue in the world (exaggerating) and shuwei is super freaked out by her tongue. lol. mine is the widest!

okay after dinner is another long story and i don't feel like typing it all out. haha. yup but i decided to follow shuwei to eunos instead of going to amk. so i took 55 home and it was a longer ride, which felt kinda nice, cos i needed some time just to sink back and ponder on the thoughts in my head. more time to emo! haha.

wish i could control my thoughts better!

but thank you.
for you. (:

so irritating, everytime i blog now i have to like type in 2 different passwords. cos there's the new blogger now which requires your google password, so troublesome.

anyway. shit. i don't know why but i feel super drained today. must be having too much choir and playing too much dota. and there wasn't anyone to plan session too and kris had to do it last min. sorry i didn't help much kris ): our group is like, dunno go where so depleted. sigh.

12 days left to musical, and only 3 days before nelson sees us perform it for the first time. omg i'm kinda like scared cos we're totally not ready. sorry to those who have already bought the ticket from me PLEASE don't get alarmed we'll be fine on the day itself. i hope ): EVERYONE needs to put in double effort argh, and i really hope we can make this a success. choreographing sux and having to say things all over and over again sux and having to "reprimand" people sux. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. WE CAN DO ITTTTTT.

talking bout musical, i'm supposed to buy chocolate coins for money. hahah shall post this to remind myself.

oh yea. today we went to wanting's house after choir to hang out. and we watched wedding crashers! omg such a porno but funny show. esp the part when the guy was getting jerked off at the dining table by the girl beside him infront of everybody. haha couldn't stop laughing. after the show we played polar bear which was kinda boring, cos i wasn't quite in the mood for thinky stuff. hahah but the ironic thing is that i suggested playing "never ever have i ever" next. and so we played and some questions were dumb some questions were errr. hmmm. one of them did strike me a little.

alright so that's the main core of the day the entire morning till afternoon was spent in choir singing syf songs WHICH WAS SO DRAINING I ALMOST DIED. I HOPE WE DON'T DO CHORDING (CLASHING) AGAIN COS IT SUCKS. holding high notes with an empty stomach, worst feeling ever.

sigh. are things better?

IN THE MEANTIME. ALL OF YOU PLEASE COME FOR VJ CHOIR'S LES MISERABLES MUSICAL. 1st DECEMBER, FRIDAY, 7.30PM,. VJ PERFORMING THEATRE. check with me for more details (: tickets at 12 bucks only!

YAY. i'm updating more regularly that ms poh wan ting. lol.

anyway I CAN'T STAND IT. my left eye keeps seeing one funny black dot that keeps moving around. AND I CAN'T TAKE IT AWAY. its irritating. stupid black dot. wonder what's wrong with my eye! am i going blind? oh nooooo. sindhu said like maybe its cos my cornea is torn and it'll be over in a few days. HOPEFULLY IT WILL.

sindhu suprisingly, was early for choir prac today! and when i was asking how come she can be early, she was like i woke up at 7.20 but i left house at 8.15. then i'm like how come you take so long. then she said, i was washing my hair. HAHA.

sindhu has nice hair, no doubt. nicest hair in the world. fluffy and nice to poke! lol.

dad's getting better! he can WALK. but he has to carry this funny bag of blood which is connected to a tube which goes into the back of his shirt. so he walks around carrying that bag. lol. of course being cheeky me i asked him to go down with me to get stuff to eat since he's so bored sitting in his bed staring into space, he goes like SIAO AH. haha.

my dad is a shy man.

HOW COME I'M NOT!

or am i? hmmm.

dunno whats this new blogger google thing. now i have to sign in twice before i can update! argh. haha.

its amazing how stories or facts can be warped when singaporeans passed on stuff. hahah.

yesterday soo told me that his mum heard from aunty jane from church that my dad passed out because of some heart problem and he underwent heart operation. lol. damn funny.

its only kidney stones for goodness sake!

should i go for it?

I hate days like today.

Hate it hate it hate it. but go through it all the same.

When will i ever be clear of whats going on?

Rawr.

Anyway dad's fine (: he said jesus told him he had many years left to go. obviously thats bullshit. haha but i glad he's fine. he looked so blur when i went to see him. oh well.

i love dad. dad loves mum. mum loves dad. mum loves me. i love mum.

how good can it get?

praised god!

here's something random. i just realised that my past 2 posts the titles combine to give "i will fly for you". cool eh! haha.

anyway i cut my hair at UNO DE SALON today. the high class looking salon just below my house. finally decided to try it! and its only 12 bucks! much cheaper than skizzors at gardens, which is also inconvenient to go. yay found my new salon (: however my hair wasn't really cut cos i think i didn't really ask the person to cut it SHORTER. oh well its THINNER a little. was quite perturbed a few hours ago but now i feel ok since mum said it looks better. haha.

my life sucks now. why? cos its choir dota tv eat sleep mahjong choir dota tv eat sleep mahjong. i'm getting sick of dota seriously but if i don't play dota i have nothing else to do. haha. I NEED TO GO OUT BUT NOBODY IS GOING OUT. what happened to 06S64! we need more class outings. maybe i should organise one some day. hmm.

i'm getting pro-er at mahjong. play with me if you dare (:

nah kidding. haha. shuwei taught my mum how to watch dachangjin on youtube! NOW SHE WANTS TO WATCH ON MY COM. NOOOOOOOOO. thanks la shuwei. haha.

ahhh this is so random i'm not being coherent in my entry. howhowhow its getting late maybe i should go sleep. yes i should.

my dad is going operation next week ): hope he's gonna be fine. i'm scared. i want to say a rosary for him, hopefully i'll do it. sigh.

amidst the hustle and bustle
i'm bound by these thoughts of you
not knowing right or wrong
not clear of where to go

where am i going?

SHIT LA. i realised my hundredth entry was actually an emo entry. WASTED. it was the alleluia to me one. hahaha. shit.

anyway today great gym workout with zha! spent 2 hours plus training my muscles, running off on the treadmill, watching funny people esp one guy who wouldn't stop pushing himself over the limit doing benchpresses. he was grunting. hahaha. and coincidentally vernetta lopez on class 95 was talking about a US gym who chased out a guy from a gymnasium because of his grunting. haha.

then after that came home for dota and mahjong with kenny zhiwei and zha. zhiwei couldn't stop winning and kenny couldn't WIN. hahaha. such a bitch. he used my account on bnet to scold people. sth like I CAN'T STAND NEIGHBOURHOOD PEOPLE WHO PLAY DOTA ALL DAY. FREAKIN SLUTS. hahaha. they thought he was crazy. no, he was using my account. idiot. haha

thank you ngiamster. thank you for REMINDING me to be a good friend. thanks. hahaha.

you better be a good friend to me also HOR.

i'm off (:

i feel like i'm left in the middle of nowhere by you.

i wanna make a decision! but then again its hard cos i dunno whats going on. but i've thought alot about it since you left and now i know whats best!

i hope i know.

i hope i can take what is about to come!

i've learnt how to sing i will fly (: my current fav song. haha it is indeed a sweet song and who's gonna be the lucky number one to hear it? haha.

i hate nights like these when you have nothing else to do except to think bout stuff you don't wanna think about.

but at least i'm happy i got to talk to someone and that i've got my guitar to strum and sing to, and nice songs to listen to on my com.

so many things, so many thoughts, so much feelings.

i've been through this before!

hahaha. ANOTHER POINTLESS ENTRY. but i'm not really emo-ing.

actually i'm happy that i have God. cos God never leaves you.

i don't wanna leave God too ): i'm afraid.

shall go sleep (:

i'm feeling emo.

i want to pour out.

but i'm not about to.

i just regret doing what i did.

wrong move, wrong choice.

maybe its too late to want it back now?

sigh.

i've been trying to conquer expert minesweeper for the past half hour. WITHOUT SUCCESS.

always coming so close, but not careful enough at the end.

sigh.

it feels boring not having you to talk with now!

shall go to sleep.

i think being able to cook is one of the biggest qualities a person can possess. like today, i'm full of admiration for johnnie and dawn for their culinary skills, johnnie for his sambal prawns and dawn for her spaghetti but most importantly, the delicious apple crumble! haha. and when i got home from dawnie's i tried my mum's new dish, which was meatball something. super nice also! gosh my mother can FINALLY cook. hahah because she's learning from aunty betty the pro. of course LOG has no shortage of good bakers too, bel with her banana cake, kris with her strawberry thing etc etc.

suddenly, i feel like learning how to cook too. so i can cook for you guys! haha. i'm gonna ask for recipes soon.

ok today i really ate alot. few days ago i said i'm going to eat less but today omg, i couldn't keep my word. you seriously can't resist temptation on days like this. haha. i think from tmr onwards i shall try to cut down yes! because i need to save money too. seriously running out of cash due to massive overspending this holidays. pool dinner dota woo. i'm drying myself out.

i didn't have enough sleep today again! even though i woke up at 11. i need more days to just lie in bed and recoup my hours lost. but oh well. i need to get up early to go running some days too. and i miss playing soccer at kensington park. always no time. play on sunday leh. lol.

MUSICAL ON FRIDAY. biggest thing on my mind now. hope we do well ): please don't expect too much people!

and i've gotta start studying soon.

blah.

MORE TIME MORE TIME!

ah just finished watching the aeroplane show on channel u. its such a nice show, compared to stupid singapore serials on channel 8. the actors look so freaking cool in their uniforms, especially yichen. suddenly i want to be a pilot too! dream dream dream. somehow, hongkong artistes are better looking than singaporean artistes. haha.

i think suyi and ahxin are pretty. hmm the cool one is okay? haha not bad too i guess.

rah i feel so tired i think i need sleep. but somehow i can't bear to sleep so early because its the holidays and its UNLIKE me to retire before at least 12.

can't think of stuff to blog today. so UNLIKE me. okay. shall stop here.

canteen this morning was great i guess. i learnt a new skill! and thats too make coffee and tea. its quite a tedious and messy job but oh well. next time we do canteen bet i'll be the one doing it again. haha. we made quite an amount guys! like 1111.10. my mum says thats alot. lol. and we had food left at the end.

ah well. we've learnt our lessons.

after that went to rayrin's house. gosh glad i finally did a substantial amount of exercise today because i'm seriously getting fat with all the singing and eating and playing pool and dotaing and tellying. i kinda don't like running but i used to force myself to go running all the time. sports still rock.

and i can't make it for soccer tmr morning again. cos of choir ):

when i did get to play soccer today, i was already too tired to run. sigh. but badminton is still as good. after that we went back to play mahjong and cards and rayrin's father cooked super delicious beehoon and curry. couldn't resist the temptation of the taopok! haha.

now i'm back and i just had a really nice bath. suprisingly, i didn't sing in the shower today. guess i was not really in the mood. ah well.

i think i've got alot of questions i need answers for.

or maybe its just one?

hmm.

praise god for today.

i'm feeling kinda drained right now, both physically and mentally. yes. firstly all the choir pracs plus running around plus last nights "evaluation" session has really left me exhausted. such that i slept throughout today's entire homily. shucks. and i'm tired of being emo, but its something i can't really control. if the emoness is turned on, its turned on.

that reminds me why someone once told me that i'm quite emotion orientated.

oh well.

my throat seriously hurts because last night i didn't have enough sleep. and today i kinda sang out loud in the morning, like i always do. now it feels even worse. and then after choir prac i just felt kinda dead walking around bugis and ps and all, as in physically yea. now i don't even feel like exercising although i see the need to. guess i shall start on a REAL diet tmr. and routine exercise. yes.

anyway, i really hope tmr's canteen doesn't turn out to be a flop. just now we realised we didn't do so much stuff and there is so much to worry about. stuff like the petty cash, manpower, collecting of food, plates and utensils. blah. in the end me soo jes and joan went to ntuc to buy the coffee and tea and stuff then after that me and soo went to changwang to buy the french loaf. and had to get jon to help out with the plates and all. otherwise TMR WE CAN'T SERVE OUR FOOD. OH THE HORROR. yea and i was trying to settle the coffee and tea and all this afternoon and my dad had to irritate me. shan't elaborate on it.

was reading dawnie's blog and i saw that one of her wants is to learn how to make cheesecake! hahah. yay then we can all go her house and pig after that. like always (:

======

i dunno why this is happening. one minute i feel so close, one minute so distant. i don't want to give up because i don't even know whether i still stand a chance. do i?

hmm.

i want god back in my life.
i really do.
but what is stopping me?
what?

i wonder what happened to my trust in his will.

did a quiz on shuwei's blog. and its quite accurate!

here are the results.

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

hello. i'm blogging (:

right, i just stepped home, but i just decided to do this first. the emotion i'm feeling now is really hindering my typing, because i really dunno what to say. everything feels messy, messy. why do i always feel this way? its weird because when it comes to things like these i just let my emotions do the thinking.



why can't i control my thoughts better?
i hate jumping to conclusions.
i hate thinking negative.
i hate to see things and let my mind run wild on them.



oh well. amidst the tea party today, amidst the pool, amidst the talk after dinner, i've had alot of time to just think. and sometimes i can't help but admit the things you guys say do have an impact on me. some part of me, can't face up to reality. some part of me is still living the dream. while some part of me feels happy. i don't know. all these stuff somehow contradict. and i really can't figure, because whenever i feel like i'm sure, something just comes along and blows me off. ah. i hate drifting in and out of the emo world.



really starting to think. that i really don't deserve it


i'm so sorry for taking you for granted in the past.
expecting nothing in return. yup. the true meaning of it.



rah. if only you could tell me in the face.



thanks to the peeps at the table just now. i appreciate the people around me. i really do.



thank god for friends (: and of course the funny stuff that happen. like JOHNNIE SPITTING TEA ALL OVER YUTING AND KENNY :D hahah.

and i say, bitching is bad. lol.

with that, i'm off (:

haha today was a day filled with mixed emotions. but i shan't elaborate why.

anyway choir ended "early" today. like around 12? haha i was like thinking. we still start at 9 and ending at 12 means 3 hours of choir which actually is quite long. but nowadays 3 hours really feels very short. we did a run of the first half scenes and the last scene, and hopefully with today's and yesterday's work, we'll be able to pull through in front of nelson tmr. i really hope we can do it well argh.

after choir some of us went to gelare, where nice shixuan treated me to a muffin. hahah. and of course i koped some of the waffles the people bought. anyway i was suprised bout what you guys talked about. lol. oh well. then after that went opp coffeeshop to eat a REAL lunch then headed off to tampines mall, where we hung out at popular and toys'r'us. i loved the teddy bears. hahaha. but anyway tm is super crowded, i hate super crowded places.

and then after toys'r'us me and zha went to meet zhijue and alford! haha haven't seen them for a long time and zhijue is still as sick as ever. you'll see why later. but yea we met up to play lan, BUT SINCE the lan place at tampines closed down, we went all the way to eastpoint to play at raiders where the coms were so lousy. moreover we played for 2 hours plus and it cost like 6.30 omg. melvin joined us midway through. haha.

okay so yea we were on the train to pasir ris when i made this comment that zhijue's gf next time sure must be dua neh bu (DNB). cos from the time we met he's been pinching zha's and alfords nipples (haha) and um he commented bout sunyanzi being flat. which of course made yizha so sad. )): double sad smiley for him. haha. okay so yea then i kinda said that quite loud, then he still say "YA CONFIRM CONFIRM!" so loud in the train, such that everyone around us heard. lol so embarrassing. then this woman behind started laughing. gosh.

yup so we went to costa sands chalet and there i met up ONCE AGAIN with my seniors, as well as juniors. haha it was really nice to see everyone again and it was esp nice to talk to mx jon jiawei jason that gang. really crappy and all. glad some of you are coming to vj. haha. ate enough for me to be full, but was just glad that there was time to catch up. the brotherhood feeling came back for that period of time. haha.

AND THEN, we realised something. zhijue didn't know the meaning of taopok. so, we were bent on making him "eat" one. haha. so yea we brought him to the room and told him to lie down, but he sorta like got it but 4 of them threw him on the bed and we all piled up. lol. so funny. zhijue is dumb. before that we still can trick him by asking him to go lie down and rest first then we decide on a person to go buy the taopok. hahah freakin dumb.

left bbq at like close to 9 to go play pool but sadly there were no tables, so me and zha decided to go home. messaged mr heng on the way back to thank him. had a great time today (:

yup and SO. i blogged again today. see?

haha.

lalalala. i should stop emoing.

i put on weight again! argh! but i dunno why i've been eating not alot and i've been exercising quite alot. and i can't possibly like gain weight so fast. i'm having less flabs too! is it more muscles thats why! i hope so. hahaha.

maybe i should stop exercising for 10 days. then i'll start to lose weight. i just did like 200 situps just now and tried to do more for my ribs but couldn't lift myself up anymore. so i stopped ): then got too lazy to do pushups. WHY. argh.

anyway sorry for this morning's haphazard and boring and sleepy session. sorry kris for not helping much and for not being able to control my laughter. haha. oh well at least our group is over for session. CANTEEN NEXT WEEK. i hope it goes well. we haven't had a log canteen before! yay kristin is gonna bake strawberry crusty thingy and bel is gonna make oreo cheesecake. gosh. FOOD.

after session i proceeded back home to change before going to ms poh's house. suprisingly, there was only me wanting huping and may. may was busy making the sims have sex so the other 3 of us watched "just friends". nice show! haha hasn't come out in the movies yet but pohpoh's sister got it from china. its all bout this guy once being fat and then became thin and then tried to get together with this girl he was best friends with in high school, which was ten years ago. hahah.

forgiveness.
its not all about saying sorry.

stupid song. hahah. yup so after the adventure at wanting's house me shuwei huping and wanting went to marina square for dinner! checked almost every restaurant there was and decided to eat at cavana. nice place i wanna go there to eat the "hot chicks" meals. hahah. they looked super good too bad i didn't buy. after that went to swenson's and i ate my banana split (: yay super pig. but i'm happy.

lovely revelation. ms poh wan ting has the longest tongue in the world (exaggerating) and shuwei is super freaked out by her tongue. lol. mine is the widest!

okay after dinner is another long story and i don't feel like typing it all out. haha. yup but i decided to follow shuwei to eunos instead of going to amk. so i took 55 home and it was a longer ride, which felt kinda nice, cos i needed some time just to sink back and ponder on the thoughts in my head. more time to emo! haha.

wish i could control my thoughts better!

but thank you.
for you. (:

so irritating, everytime i blog now i have to like type in 2 different passwords. cos there's the new blogger now which requires your google password, so troublesome.

anyway. shit. i don't know why but i feel super drained today. must be having too much choir and playing too much dota. and there wasn't anyone to plan session too and kris had to do it last min. sorry i didn't help much kris ): our group is like, dunno go where so depleted. sigh.

12 days left to musical, and only 3 days before nelson sees us perform it for the first time. omg i'm kinda like scared cos we're totally not ready. sorry to those who have already bought the ticket from me PLEASE don't get alarmed we'll be fine on the day itself. i hope ): EVERYONE needs to put in double effort argh, and i really hope we can make this a success. choreographing sux and having to say things all over and over again sux and having to "reprimand" people sux. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. WE CAN DO ITTTTTT.

talking bout musical, i'm supposed to buy chocolate coins for money. hahah shall post this to remind myself.

oh yea. today we went to wanting's house after choir to hang out. and we watched wedding crashers! omg such a porno but funny show. esp the part when the guy was getting jerked off at the dining table by the girl beside him infront of everybody. haha couldn't stop laughing. after the show we played polar bear which was kinda boring, cos i wasn't quite in the mood for thinky stuff. hahah but the ironic thing is that i suggested playing "never ever have i ever" next. and so we played and some questions were dumb some questions were errr. hmmm. one of them did strike me a little.

alright so that's the main core of the day the entire morning till afternoon was spent in choir singing syf songs WHICH WAS SO DRAINING I ALMOST DIED. I HOPE WE DON'T DO CHORDING (CLASHING) AGAIN COS IT SUCKS. holding high notes with an empty stomach, worst feeling ever.

sigh. are things better?

IN THE MEANTIME. ALL OF YOU PLEASE COME FOR VJ CHOIR'S LES MISERABLES MUSICAL. 1st DECEMBER, FRIDAY, 7.30PM,. VJ PERFORMING THEATRE. check with me for more details (: tickets at 12 bucks only!

YAY. i'm updating more regularly that ms poh wan ting. lol.

anyway I CAN'T STAND IT. my left eye keeps seeing one funny black dot that keeps moving around. AND I CAN'T TAKE IT AWAY. its irritating. stupid black dot. wonder what's wrong with my eye! am i going blind? oh nooooo. sindhu said like maybe its cos my cornea is torn and it'll be over in a few days. HOPEFULLY IT WILL.

sindhu suprisingly, was early for choir prac today! and when i was asking how come she can be early, she was like i woke up at 7.20 but i left house at 8.15. then i'm like how come you take so long. then she said, i was washing my hair. HAHA.

sindhu has nice hair, no doubt. nicest hair in the world. fluffy and nice to poke! lol.

dad's getting better! he can WALK. but he has to carry this funny bag of blood which is connected to a tube which goes into the back of his shirt. so he walks around carrying that bag. lol. of course being cheeky me i asked him to go down with me to get stuff to eat since he's so bored sitting in his bed staring into space, he goes like SIAO AH. haha.

my dad is a shy man.

HOW COME I'M NOT!

or am i? hmmm.

dunno whats this new blogger google thing. now i have to sign in twice before i can update! argh. haha.

its amazing how stories or facts can be warped when singaporeans passed on stuff. hahah.

yesterday soo told me that his mum heard from aunty jane from church that my dad passed out because of some heart problem and he underwent heart operation. lol. damn funny.

its only kidney stones for goodness sake!

should i go for it?

I hate days like today.

Hate it hate it hate it. but go through it all the same.

When will i ever be clear of whats going on?

Rawr.

Anyway dad's fine (: he said jesus told him he had many years left to go. obviously thats bullshit. haha but i glad he's fine. he looked so blur when i went to see him. oh well.

i love dad. dad loves mum. mum loves dad. mum loves me. i love mum.

how good can it get?

praised god!

here's something random. i just realised that my past 2 posts the titles combine to give "i will fly for you". cool eh! haha.

anyway i cut my hair at UNO DE SALON today. the high class looking salon just below my house. finally decided to try it! and its only 12 bucks! much cheaper than skizzors at gardens, which is also inconvenient to go. yay found my new salon (: however my hair wasn't really cut cos i think i didn't really ask the person to cut it SHORTER. oh well its THINNER a little. was quite perturbed a few hours ago but now i feel ok since mum said it looks better. haha.

my life sucks now. why? cos its choir dota tv eat sleep mahjong choir dota tv eat sleep mahjong. i'm getting sick of dota seriously but if i don't play dota i have nothing else to do. haha. I NEED TO GO OUT BUT NOBODY IS GOING OUT. what happened to 06S64! we need more class outings. maybe i should organise one some day. hmm.

i'm getting pro-er at mahjong. play with me if you dare (:

nah kidding. haha. shuwei taught my mum how to watch dachangjin on youtube! NOW SHE WANTS TO WATCH ON MY COM. NOOOOOOOOO. thanks la shuwei. haha.

ahhh this is so random i'm not being coherent in my entry. howhowhow its getting late maybe i should go sleep. yes i should.

my dad is going operation next week ): hope he's gonna be fine. i'm scared. i want to say a rosary for him, hopefully i'll do it. sigh.

amidst the hustle and bustle
i'm bound by these thoughts of you
not knowing right or wrong
not clear of where to go

where am i going?

SHIT LA. i realised my hundredth entry was actually an emo entry. WASTED. it was the alleluia to me one. hahaha. shit.

anyway today great gym workout with zha! spent 2 hours plus training my muscles, running off on the treadmill, watching funny people esp one guy who wouldn't stop pushing himself over the limit doing benchpresses. he was grunting. hahaha. and coincidentally vernetta lopez on class 95 was talking about a US gym who chased out a guy from a gymnasium because of his grunting. haha.

then after that came home for dota and mahjong with kenny zhiwei and zha. zhiwei couldn't stop winning and kenny couldn't WIN. hahaha. such a bitch. he used my account on bnet to scold people. sth like I CAN'T STAND NEIGHBOURHOOD PEOPLE WHO PLAY DOTA ALL DAY. FREAKIN SLUTS. hahaha. they thought he was crazy. no, he was using my account. idiot. haha

thank you ngiamster. thank you for REMINDING me to be a good friend. thanks. hahaha.

you better be a good friend to me also HOR.

i'm off (:

i feel like i'm left in the middle of nowhere by you.

i wanna make a decision! but then again its hard cos i dunno whats going on. but i've thought alot about it since you left and now i know whats best!

i hope i know.

i hope i can take what is about to come!

i've learnt how to sing i will fly (: my current fav song. haha it is indeed a sweet song and who's gonna be the lucky number one to hear it? haha.

i hate nights like these when you have nothing else to do except to think bout stuff you don't wanna think about.

but at least i'm happy i got to talk to someone and that i've got my guitar to strum and sing to, and nice songs to listen to on my com.

so many things, so many thoughts, so much feelings.

i've been through this before!

hahaha. ANOTHER POINTLESS ENTRY. but i'm not really emo-ing.

actually i'm happy that i have God. cos God never leaves you.

i don't wanna leave God too ): i'm afraid.

shall go sleep (:

i'm feeling emo.

i want to pour out.

but i'm not about to.

i just regret doing what i did.

wrong move, wrong choice.

maybe its too late to want it back now?

sigh.