i'm so tired. i need sleep! i certainly haven't gotten enough over the past few days, or even weeks. my eyesight is failing me! i try all i can to help myself, sleeping during morning english sessions, in between periods, during chinese...but still no use! I HATE TODAY'S WEATHER! IT'S SO NICE AND COOL! just makes me feel like putting everything down and doze off.

i can't stand studying bio, that's one thing for sure! it took like 40 mins for me to really study one bloody chapter? nutrition. cos its damn long. guess what? i have 17 chapters more to go before next wednesday's mcq test! i intend to finish everything by then. possible? all up to me. hahaha. most probably can't.

nicholas called me today. "You are chosen to sing responsorial psalm for altar servers investiture." "..........!!!.........errrr ok." actually it didn't take long for me to give an answer, cos i wasn't really thinking. now i REGRET! shit it's so scary, singing in front of all the people. nevermind. only 1 week plus more. LONG TIME AWAY. yea kidding myself. haha.

my mum just made err bittergourd celery juice. i dunno why she's trying to convince herself that it's nice. "It's healthy! it's very nice!" then after she makes the juice she must come to my room and drink it in front of me. no doubt, she prayed before drinking it, and after that shouted "YUCK!" hahahah. funny. now there's this celery smell in my room. YUCK! *sprays perfume* i hate veggies! haha cya guys.

i think i ever told someone, can't remember who, that i wasn't gonna update for a damn long time. haha reason being that i really like my current entry, it'll forever be engraved in my memory(:well guess you guys have grown sick of this entry, so i'm putting up a new one! which isn't gonna be as long though, phew. haha

i don't remember myself being so hardworking before, like now. i mean i'm doing my work everyday! WOW! first time in my secondary school life i'm actually mugging. haha. well actually my definition of mugging isn't like most of you. as long as i do some work i consider it mugging, which actually doesn't count. so yea whatever! haha. 20 days left to prelims!! and so far i've finished only my chem syllabus. haven't started on bio, physics, ss, history, geog. i'm so DEAD!!!

confirmation this sat, seems so quick, the way everything happens. so much has happened for me after confirmation, in terms of my spirituality and involvement in church. can only thank god for putting me on this path! i wonder how's it gonna be like when this whole new bunch of sec3s come into LOG. i'm afraid we'll get split up, the sec3s and 4s. we're like already so bonded now. hai. let's just see how it goes.

nothing much to say so i'll just end here. wanna thank all the people who have given me stuff and wished me during my birthday! sorry this comes really late, hope you ppl don't mind. THANK YOU THANK YOU! it's been much enjoyable. god bless guys.

elegance al esplanade 2005. who would have known that today would be so fulfilling, so meaningful, so touching? before today everyone in the band was going through emotional strains, emotional struggles. there was crying beneath the brave and seemingly calm faces and many were still left disappointed with our failure at WMC. this concert came as a chance for us to redeem ourselves, to show people what we're really made of. friday's rehearsal wasn't an easy one to go through, for me personally. was supposed to end at 5, but in the end it dragged till 7, becos we didn't play up to expectations that day. that day i had this great urge to go to church and pray for many stuff, my own struggles and pains, my own life, my mother. but not being able to that really made me unsettled. so i dropped a few tears and heaved a few sighs and continued perservering. i did it all for today, becos i myself wanted today to be a success. i was really on the edge of the rocks that day.

mr heng was at his usual "motivating" mood. with his constant rants and shouts, the band didn't have much of a choice but to move fast, play well and most importantly focus. i could tell he really wanted us to make a change today, he wanted things to go well. and so, everything had gone as smoothly as it could possibly be. the sec 3 leaders are slowly beginning to shine, much better than when my batch first started out. we did many things. one by one each person gave the band their own piece of mind, their own motivating speech. mr heng, mark, andrew ng, ambrose all stepped up, and i must say all of them did help in a way. but most important of all, we prayed, together as an entire band.

at first i didn't like the idea when ms tan was really like forcing everyone to pray, even those non believers. and this really drove away all the mood i had for praying, since i felt i had already prayed enough for what was to come. but i was utterly wrong in my judgement. christians in my band were invited to pray for us, matheus, daniel and the ever so inspiring ming xuan. so strong is their faith and their belief in god that it is hard to doubt that god would help us. and so as one body, we called on the holy spirit, on jesus to lead us. we prayed for ms tan, that she would be empowered. i tried hard to concentrate, we all tried hard. i wanted to trust in jesus.

then before going up the stage, i had this sudden feeling of anxiety and nervousness, something i don't normally have. and so i prayed quietly by myself, not once, but thrice, imploring jesus to take away all that i didn't need and want. and so i felt this warmth in my heart, like i was being comforted, and i thanked him. i wasn't really sure whether it was him anyway. but at that time ambrose was speaking, and he was telling the band that this would be the sec 4's last concert. then it came to me. 4 years in this band that i love so much, and it has to come to an end tonight. the last time i get to perform with everyone. trying to fight back my tears, i went up to perform.

indeed today we played our hearts out, but i knew it wasn't our best ever performance. flaws were detectable in many areas and there is still much room for improvement. but then it was much better than all our previous performances. mr heng was ever so joyful, proclaiming that the real cat high band is finally back, giving me and others unexpected hugs. i was in a more reflective mood then, not really that happy and stuff, just thinking bout, many things.

after clearing the stage, the entire band was hanging around in the corridor. i was feeling kinda moody and upset, having finished with my last performance. then came johnathan with a hug, thanking me for being a great senior. that was it, he had hit my tear nerve. tears were flowing uncontrollably from my eyes and i really tried my best to fight it back. i didn't want everyone to think i was unstable and all. but then more people came and hugged me, more coming to console me. it just couldn't stop, and i just let go for awhile. felt so much better after that.

many people came asking me, "why did you cry?" i don't really know why, maybe kristin or clarice can explain (knowing their experience in their last dance performance). well maybe i was touched by the people around me? in the end i just felt that everything was worthwhile. i always thought i wouldn't give a shit bout the band after i pass out. i didn't have this close relationship with the band itself. but i didn't know till today that actually the band means so much to me, all the sacrifices, all the efforts we've all put in to build it up to what it is today....well....i would just like to thank god for granting me such a wonderful family, such wonderful juniors and friends and teachers. this has indeed changed my life. i thank and praise him.

time now is 3.05am, came home really late after the concert. but i just felt the need to put this experience down in words before i forget it. realised that this entry is actually damn long, so god bless you if you manage to read till here. haha. cya guys around.

one thing i can say, nothing ever stays fresh on my mind. on the way home just now i had thought of so many things to blog about, but now sitting in front of the com, nothing seems to come to my mind. this is my pain, in the blogging world. haha.

my life in the band has been rather smooth sailing, since i was sec 1. i remember having dreams of being a senior leader, becos i liked the fame, the recognition. i think almost everyone thinks that way, except those who have no ambition whatsoever in their own lives. best recruit award, i could still remember. this really made me happy, and gave me the push to work even harder to acheive my goal. sometimes when i'm even asked to do the most tedious jobs, i would just take it on without a word. but those were the times when i was young and naive. i never really knew what a senior leader did, till i became one.

in the beginning everything seemed so slack, so great. i had power and i didn't do much, somehow i didn't felt any sense of guilt. i just enjoyed it. moreover the teacher in charge at that time was helping the 4 of us alot, mistakes we made were easily forgiven. but now at this point of my life, when i look back, i see many things i shouldn't have done, which i did.

it was only when mr heng began to take an active role in the band when my mindset was changed, my attitude and all. i really thank him for that, for making me realise my other responsibilities, for helping me to wake up. the many scoldings i received, the slamming sessions, no i didn't like them at all. not only was it hurting to my pride, it too made me dislike him even more each time. never did i know that his high demands, his high expectations have developed a change in me. within my inner self, i was starting to become more aware, more alert of things around. i did more for the band, and leaded the band better. knowing that i wasn't anywhere near a good one before this.

four years. four years. i wonder whether i have made full use of this duration. the recent silver that we got at WMC was shocking, hurting. i didn't know how to react at all, but it didn't come as a suprise to me. the first note we played and i immediately knew it was not to be. the sacrifices we sec 4s have made, the time we spent training daily till the sky became dark, all our effort seemed to just go into the drain. just like that. of course, it was my first ever real setback in the band, since we've always been doing so well in national competitions. then i suddenly thought of the O's and the prelims, and now i'm scared. what if i don't do well after this? after this all of us began blaming ourselves. the wrong notes, the bad intonation, we all admitted it. even mr heng blamed himself for not giving us a last pep talk before we went in. he cried beneath his strong appearance, which is a seldom sight. even mark cried, the drum major that we have, the drum major that loves the band so much. to say the least, he's the only one who has been ever so influential and motivating to everyone. a person the band couldn't have done without.

we didn't come back victorious, we came back stronger. yes indeed this would prove to be a stepping stone for the band, to help us soar to greater heights. the night of our competition day we were invited to play for the WMC closing ceremony. and it was a great and unforgettable experience i must say. crazy europeans dancing to the tunes of our abba gold, tequila, was just a joy to watch. our much improved english folk song suite and jericho, was comforting to our hearts. the feeling of honour at being chosen to play the dutch national anthem for the people, us being foriegners. i thank god for all this. and i thank him for the enjoyable time all of us had at brussels and paris.

i thank every single person in the band who have played a part in my life, especially to my fellow dear sec 4 pals. mark, ambrose, yizha, dexter sie, eugene etc. you guys rock! and special thanks to mr edwin heng for playing an integral part in improving my role as a leader, plus my conductor ms tan yiang hoon, for bringing me to another level of music and exposing me to its wonders. this entry i specially dedicate to all of you. may god bless.

p.s. you can check out my WMC photos here ===>http://community.webshots.com/user/superliver89

i'm so tired. i need sleep! i certainly haven't gotten enough over the past few days, or even weeks. my eyesight is failing me! i try all i can to help myself, sleeping during morning english sessions, in between periods, during chinese...but still no use! I HATE TODAY'S WEATHER! IT'S SO NICE AND COOL! just makes me feel like putting everything down and doze off.

i can't stand studying bio, that's one thing for sure! it took like 40 mins for me to really study one bloody chapter? nutrition. cos its damn long. guess what? i have 17 chapters more to go before next wednesday's mcq test! i intend to finish everything by then. possible? all up to me. hahaha. most probably can't.

nicholas called me today. "You are chosen to sing responsorial psalm for altar servers investiture." "..........!!!.........errrr ok." actually it didn't take long for me to give an answer, cos i wasn't really thinking. now i REGRET! shit it's so scary, singing in front of all the people. nevermind. only 1 week plus more. LONG TIME AWAY. yea kidding myself. haha.

my mum just made err bittergourd celery juice. i dunno why she's trying to convince herself that it's nice. "It's healthy! it's very nice!" then after she makes the juice she must come to my room and drink it in front of me. no doubt, she prayed before drinking it, and after that shouted "YUCK!" hahahah. funny. now there's this celery smell in my room. YUCK! *sprays perfume* i hate veggies! haha cya guys.

i think i ever told someone, can't remember who, that i wasn't gonna update for a damn long time. haha reason being that i really like my current entry, it'll forever be engraved in my memory(:well guess you guys have grown sick of this entry, so i'm putting up a new one! which isn't gonna be as long though, phew. haha

i don't remember myself being so hardworking before, like now. i mean i'm doing my work everyday! WOW! first time in my secondary school life i'm actually mugging. haha. well actually my definition of mugging isn't like most of you. as long as i do some work i consider it mugging, which actually doesn't count. so yea whatever! haha. 20 days left to prelims!! and so far i've finished only my chem syllabus. haven't started on bio, physics, ss, history, geog. i'm so DEAD!!!

confirmation this sat, seems so quick, the way everything happens. so much has happened for me after confirmation, in terms of my spirituality and involvement in church. can only thank god for putting me on this path! i wonder how's it gonna be like when this whole new bunch of sec3s come into LOG. i'm afraid we'll get split up, the sec3s and 4s. we're like already so bonded now. hai. let's just see how it goes.

nothing much to say so i'll just end here. wanna thank all the people who have given me stuff and wished me during my birthday! sorry this comes really late, hope you ppl don't mind. THANK YOU THANK YOU! it's been much enjoyable. god bless guys.

elegance al esplanade 2005. who would have known that today would be so fulfilling, so meaningful, so touching? before today everyone in the band was going through emotional strains, emotional struggles. there was crying beneath the brave and seemingly calm faces and many were still left disappointed with our failure at WMC. this concert came as a chance for us to redeem ourselves, to show people what we're really made of. friday's rehearsal wasn't an easy one to go through, for me personally. was supposed to end at 5, but in the end it dragged till 7, becos we didn't play up to expectations that day. that day i had this great urge to go to church and pray for many stuff, my own struggles and pains, my own life, my mother. but not being able to that really made me unsettled. so i dropped a few tears and heaved a few sighs and continued perservering. i did it all for today, becos i myself wanted today to be a success. i was really on the edge of the rocks that day.

mr heng was at his usual "motivating" mood. with his constant rants and shouts, the band didn't have much of a choice but to move fast, play well and most importantly focus. i could tell he really wanted us to make a change today, he wanted things to go well. and so, everything had gone as smoothly as it could possibly be. the sec 3 leaders are slowly beginning to shine, much better than when my batch first started out. we did many things. one by one each person gave the band their own piece of mind, their own motivating speech. mr heng, mark, andrew ng, ambrose all stepped up, and i must say all of them did help in a way. but most important of all, we prayed, together as an entire band.

at first i didn't like the idea when ms tan was really like forcing everyone to pray, even those non believers. and this really drove away all the mood i had for praying, since i felt i had already prayed enough for what was to come. but i was utterly wrong in my judgement. christians in my band were invited to pray for us, matheus, daniel and the ever so inspiring ming xuan. so strong is their faith and their belief in god that it is hard to doubt that god would help us. and so as one body, we called on the holy spirit, on jesus to lead us. we prayed for ms tan, that she would be empowered. i tried hard to concentrate, we all tried hard. i wanted to trust in jesus.

then before going up the stage, i had this sudden feeling of anxiety and nervousness, something i don't normally have. and so i prayed quietly by myself, not once, but thrice, imploring jesus to take away all that i didn't need and want. and so i felt this warmth in my heart, like i was being comforted, and i thanked him. i wasn't really sure whether it was him anyway. but at that time ambrose was speaking, and he was telling the band that this would be the sec 4's last concert. then it came to me. 4 years in this band that i love so much, and it has to come to an end tonight. the last time i get to perform with everyone. trying to fight back my tears, i went up to perform.

indeed today we played our hearts out, but i knew it wasn't our best ever performance. flaws were detectable in many areas and there is still much room for improvement. but then it was much better than all our previous performances. mr heng was ever so joyful, proclaiming that the real cat high band is finally back, giving me and others unexpected hugs. i was in a more reflective mood then, not really that happy and stuff, just thinking bout, many things.

after clearing the stage, the entire band was hanging around in the corridor. i was feeling kinda moody and upset, having finished with my last performance. then came johnathan with a hug, thanking me for being a great senior. that was it, he had hit my tear nerve. tears were flowing uncontrollably from my eyes and i really tried my best to fight it back. i didn't want everyone to think i was unstable and all. but then more people came and hugged me, more coming to console me. it just couldn't stop, and i just let go for awhile. felt so much better after that.

many people came asking me, "why did you cry?" i don't really know why, maybe kristin or clarice can explain (knowing their experience in their last dance performance). well maybe i was touched by the people around me? in the end i just felt that everything was worthwhile. i always thought i wouldn't give a shit bout the band after i pass out. i didn't have this close relationship with the band itself. but i didn't know till today that actually the band means so much to me, all the sacrifices, all the efforts we've all put in to build it up to what it is today....well....i would just like to thank god for granting me such a wonderful family, such wonderful juniors and friends and teachers. this has indeed changed my life. i thank and praise him.

time now is 3.05am, came home really late after the concert. but i just felt the need to put this experience down in words before i forget it. realised that this entry is actually damn long, so god bless you if you manage to read till here. haha. cya guys around.

one thing i can say, nothing ever stays fresh on my mind. on the way home just now i had thought of so many things to blog about, but now sitting in front of the com, nothing seems to come to my mind. this is my pain, in the blogging world. haha.

my life in the band has been rather smooth sailing, since i was sec 1. i remember having dreams of being a senior leader, becos i liked the fame, the recognition. i think almost everyone thinks that way, except those who have no ambition whatsoever in their own lives. best recruit award, i could still remember. this really made me happy, and gave me the push to work even harder to acheive my goal. sometimes when i'm even asked to do the most tedious jobs, i would just take it on without a word. but those were the times when i was young and naive. i never really knew what a senior leader did, till i became one.

in the beginning everything seemed so slack, so great. i had power and i didn't do much, somehow i didn't felt any sense of guilt. i just enjoyed it. moreover the teacher in charge at that time was helping the 4 of us alot, mistakes we made were easily forgiven. but now at this point of my life, when i look back, i see many things i shouldn't have done, which i did.

it was only when mr heng began to take an active role in the band when my mindset was changed, my attitude and all. i really thank him for that, for making me realise my other responsibilities, for helping me to wake up. the many scoldings i received, the slamming sessions, no i didn't like them at all. not only was it hurting to my pride, it too made me dislike him even more each time. never did i know that his high demands, his high expectations have developed a change in me. within my inner self, i was starting to become more aware, more alert of things around. i did more for the band, and leaded the band better. knowing that i wasn't anywhere near a good one before this.

four years. four years. i wonder whether i have made full use of this duration. the recent silver that we got at WMC was shocking, hurting. i didn't know how to react at all, but it didn't come as a suprise to me. the first note we played and i immediately knew it was not to be. the sacrifices we sec 4s have made, the time we spent training daily till the sky became dark, all our effort seemed to just go into the drain. just like that. of course, it was my first ever real setback in the band, since we've always been doing so well in national competitions. then i suddenly thought of the O's and the prelims, and now i'm scared. what if i don't do well after this? after this all of us began blaming ourselves. the wrong notes, the bad intonation, we all admitted it. even mr heng blamed himself for not giving us a last pep talk before we went in. he cried beneath his strong appearance, which is a seldom sight. even mark cried, the drum major that we have, the drum major that loves the band so much. to say the least, he's the only one who has been ever so influential and motivating to everyone. a person the band couldn't have done without.

we didn't come back victorious, we came back stronger. yes indeed this would prove to be a stepping stone for the band, to help us soar to greater heights. the night of our competition day we were invited to play for the WMC closing ceremony. and it was a great and unforgettable experience i must say. crazy europeans dancing to the tunes of our abba gold, tequila, was just a joy to watch. our much improved english folk song suite and jericho, was comforting to our hearts. the feeling of honour at being chosen to play the dutch national anthem for the people, us being foriegners. i thank god for all this. and i thank him for the enjoyable time all of us had at brussels and paris.

i thank every single person in the band who have played a part in my life, especially to my fellow dear sec 4 pals. mark, ambrose, yizha, dexter sie, eugene etc. you guys rock! and special thanks to mr edwin heng for playing an integral part in improving my role as a leader, plus my conductor ms tan yiang hoon, for bringing me to another level of music and exposing me to its wonders. this entry i specially dedicate to all of you. may god bless.

p.s. you can check out my WMC photos here ===>http://community.webshots.com/user/superliver89