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  • credits.
    layout: lyricaltragedy
    inspiration: reversescollide
    Tuesday, September 26, 2006
    i thought i should blog.

    IDOL OVER ): no more slacking. now its feels like the time when i just came back from italy, back to reality, back to mugging, back to the EXAMS. shucks man. but anyway, the idol experience was simply fantastic and i'm glad just to be part of it. praise god!

    although most of the time i felt like some kinda extra, doing nothing else but walking aimlessly around the indoor stadium or stoning the the holding room, at least i got to meet the IDOLS. the really nice one, and the not so nice ones. haha. lemme try to sum up the idols:

    1. norman and paul: craziest 2 people. paul is retarded, and norman is like his follower. lol.
    2. jay: superbly lame. and has a screwed up brain. stones around alot.
    3. joakim: quite nice, but singing sucks. have to admit that. lol.
    4. emilee: teka 1. at first thought she was dao, but quite nice actually. sex symbol. pui. lol.
    5. gayle: teka 2 aka superteka. her legs are damn fat don't be deceived by her television look. lol. and she's damn dao and stuck up. (hope uncle trevor doesn't see this)
    6. nurul: nice body. cute and friendly!
    7. mathilda: very very nice. has the personality that everyone loves. too bad she wore an ugly golden exposing dress on final day :X
    8. rahima: NEVER HEARD HER TALK. she's actually damn quiet. lol.
    9. jasmine: omg she ROCKS. she's always smiling when she sees us and talked to us the most! as nice as mathilda, or even nicer.
    10. hady: chao dao. looks too friendly on tv i feel. haha. but best singer on the show i must say.
    11. jonathan: mr nice guy, mr good looks, mr low voice. everything about him is pleasing to a girl. haha. he melts and shocks them like free. SCREAAAAMMM GIRLS!

    yea thats it i guess. HADY WON! and not jonathan. but i felt both had an equal chance of winning. i liked both of them! but actually for me. JASMINE IS MY IDOL. hahaha. i think i've fallen in love with her. so chio and so nice. lol. sorry seldom am i like this.

    i have dreams of being in singapore idol too. can i make it? haha i think i can to some point. at least i'll get through the first auditions if i'm lucky. seeing them perform on stage, the lights, the fans, its all quite attractive. but if i have to sing like hady or taufik to make it, i think i need a few more good years. haha. DREAM. thats all i can do.

    BACK TO REALITY. suckiest part of it all. promos spa. so gonna fail and get retained sigh. pray for me people haha.

    IDOL FEVERRRRRRRRRRRR!! -out-

    Monday, September 18, 2006
    i decided to grow up!

    i still love this skin the best.

    i never wanna lose my god (:

    i haven't felt like this for a very long time.

    stressed, broken, sprawled on the floor.

    thinking about pieces of the past.

    though i don't really want to.

    wishing that i could keep things like how it was.

    but it was not possible.

    maybe things aren't as bad as i think.

    maybe. i hope...
    THIS IS FREAKING FUCKED UP. FUCKED UP.
    and if i'm really such a bastard, i'd rather disappear from your sight.

    Sunday, September 17, 2006
    and i swallow it down. and move on.

    not worth my energy.

    why is this happening. why are you leaving, and why are YOU leaving? why?

    so hard to accomodate.

    so hard to meet expectations.

    i feel torrid.

    Saturday, September 09, 2006
    KANEENABU CHAOCHEEBYE.

    haha sorry. i'm feeling fucking vulgar now. argh.

    I DIDN'T MUG MUCH TODAY. SHUCKS. spent like almost 7 hours in church can't believe it. choir prac was so LONG and DRAGGYYYY, my voice almost dieded. kept repeating and repeating and repeating the songs. argh.

    oh well. haha i haven't got much to say right now.

    JUST THAT.

    I NEED TO MUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

    caught that?

    Wednesday, September 06, 2006
    this is unbelievable. i'm singing a solo for our year end les miserables solo! shit the pressure really is on. i wonder whether i'll be able to live up to expectations in terms of vocal technique, needless to say the dramatisation. i'm playing MR TURNADIER (master of the house), the guy who's supposed to be all drama and crappy and full of cock all the same. haha. NOW WONDER why i got chosen. by debbie as well. argh.

    i'm happy, at the same time worried. how am i gonna do this?

    BUT FIRST. i've gotta worry about my promos. pass i must and hopefully pass i shall.

    i put on weight! I NEED A DIET.

    -end-

    i was about to bathe when dad came home.

    he asked, eh mummy come home already not?

    no i said.

    then she got call?

    no leh, i said again.

    die la means something wrong already.

    gosh my dad did freak me out and throughout my entire bath i was thinking of all the possible scenarios. maybe my mum got into a car accident on the way back from malacca? maybe she got robbed? maybe she's stranded? i realised i was worried for my mum, hasn't happened for a long time.

    then i came out from my bath and walked in and out of my room a few times, questioning my dad. he was sitting on the sofa staring into space, guess he was worried too. and then i decided to call uncle damian and to my great relief, my mum was ALIVE and SAFE. then on the phone i said, mum i thought you got kidnapped and got sold away. she didn't hear me, but dad did, and he was am-chioing. simple acts of love, really warmed up my heart. couldn't see these kinda things happening in the past, praise God.

    dad loves mum, and dad loves me too. i could remember in the past we hardly talked, and even if we said stuff to each other, it would have been loud and shouty and all. but i just cherish the moments i spend with dad now, even just talking about the small small little stuff that's been going on. at dinner it was me and him. he ate very little and went to wash his plate, claiming that he'd have food later outside. but in actual fact he wanted me to have more. when i was in my room, he poured a bowl of bobochacha for me, even though he could have finished it by himself. we sat outside watching the telly together, and just looking at him smile at the show, makes me feel happy. i cherish these moments. i do. praise God again.

    i'm thinking about stuff now. singing to the strumming of the guitar, thinking bout now, thinking bout tmr, thinking bout promos, thinking bout the future, thinking bout you.

    i wonder how it'll turn out, really i wonder.

    let God decide.

    Lately I have had this strangest feeling,
    with no vivd reasons here to find.
    Yet the thought of losing's been hanging, round my mind...
    Far more frequently you're wearing perfume,
    with you say, "No special place to go"
    But when I ask will you be coming back soon,
    you don't know, never know.

    Well, I'm a man of many wishes,
    I hope my premonition misses,
    but what I really feel, my eyes won't let me hide,
    cause they always start to cry.
    cause it's time could mean goodbye.

    Lately I've been staring in the mirror,
    very slowly picking me apart.
    Tryin' to tell myself I have no reason, with your heart.
    Just the other night while you were sleeping,
    I vaguely heard you whisper someone's name.
    But when I ask you of the thoughts you're keeping,
    you just say, nothing's changed.

    Well, I'm a man of many wishes,
    I hope my premonition misses,
    but what I really feel, my eyes won't let me hide,
    cause they always start to cry.
    cause it's time could mean goodbye.

    Monday, September 04, 2006
    shine jesus shine rally

    well i felt the need to go for it, since after sunday's session i realised God is really too good to me. and i don't even realise it, getting carried away with all the happiness in life, troubles, addictions. God just had to call me back somehow or another.

    tonight was another of those instances, when God just put everything aside for me, just allowing me to see the straight path, leading to him. it was a great rally i must say, although i didn't feel the effects of it. i felt quite happy just to sit/stand in the rain the whole times, although it was really humid and all. to see so many people around me praising and loving the same God, its truly amazing.

    well i couldn't quite connect in the praise and worship, maybe because i've been feeling to spiritually detached from God recently. but it slowly came back, line after line, word after word. then came the adoration part when all of us had to kneel on the gravel, it was really painful, and i guess i got too carried away with the pain, so much that i couldn't really concentrate on Jesus. then when Jes offered me her slipper, i was so relieved. really helped a hell lot (: but just as the holy eucharist passed by, i just felt this great prescense and power all around, indeed God is truly present in the eucharist.

    although i didn't really get anything out of tonight's rally, i know somehow or another God has healed me. he comes in many different ways. AND i just wanna praise God for healing so many people around me. friends like mark and von with tears of joy and relief, could tell that God had touched them and healed them. Indeed God loves every single one of us. and just looking at all the people getting healed and awed by God, just made my day! god touched me through all of you (:

    we are all empowered by Christ. Jesus please bring me back to you!

    i will be complete in you.