i wanna be happy bout some things, or just one thing, but sometimes its quite hard esp when you have so many thoughts on your mind.

i just feel like pouring out, but it seems like no one can really understand what i'm going through? except god? i miss so many things, i miss the good life, a wonderful relationship with god, friends...so many things.

school isn't all that happy either. today i screwed my chem test, wanted to do well but don't think i can anymore. such a morale breaker. choir is just all about singing. i miss those times when i could at least do something more and not just be a normal member, watching everyone go about doing stuff when i myself have no part to play in, its not really a good feeling for me. maybe because i joined late? but since things have turned out this way, theres nothing i can do too. blame it on the fact that i've never been so low key before. oh well. can't believe i'm fretting over the unimportant things in life.

then again the band people asked me to play for them cos they have no tuba player. one part of me wants to do it, but another part tells me not to. i've been hearing all the talk bout me being a very very good player but i don't see it happening for me, boosted by the fact that i haven't touched that instrument for almost a year. i can't live up to expectations, i'm pressurised, i really dunno what i should do.

all these thoughts ain't doing any good for me. and why must they come now and distract me from my studies? i don't even feel like studying, although i have loads to catch up on. i wish i knew what to do, i wish i could feel better, i wish.

god help me!

i wanna be happy bout some things, or just one thing, but sometimes its quite hard esp when you have so many thoughts on your mind.

i just feel like pouring out, but it seems like no one can really understand what i'm going through? except god? i miss so many things, i miss the good life, a wonderful relationship with god, friends...so many things.

school isn't all that happy either. today i screwed my chem test, wanted to do well but don't think i can anymore. such a morale breaker. choir is just all about singing. i miss those times when i could at least do something more and not just be a normal member, watching everyone go about doing stuff when i myself have no part to play in, its not really a good feeling for me. maybe because i joined late? but since things have turned out this way, theres nothing i can do too. blame it on the fact that i've never been so low key before. oh well. can't believe i'm fretting over the unimportant things in life.

then again the band people asked me to play for them cos they have no tuba player. one part of me wants to do it, but another part tells me not to. i've been hearing all the talk bout me being a very very good player but i don't see it happening for me, boosted by the fact that i haven't touched that instrument for almost a year. i can't live up to expectations, i'm pressurised, i really dunno what i should do.

all these thoughts ain't doing any good for me. and why must they come now and distract me from my studies? i don't even feel like studying, although i have loads to catch up on. i wish i knew what to do, i wish i could feel better, i wish.

god help me!