elegance al esplanade 2005. who would have known that today would be so fulfilling, so meaningful, so touching? before today everyone in the band was going through emotional strains, emotional struggles. there was crying beneath the brave and seemingly calm faces and many were still left disappointed with our failure at WMC. this concert came as a chance for us to redeem ourselves, to show people what we're really made of. friday's rehearsal wasn't an easy one to go through, for me personally. was supposed to end at 5, but in the end it dragged till 7, becos we didn't play up to expectations that day. that day i had this great urge to go to church and pray for many stuff, my own struggles and pains, my own life, my mother. but not being able to that really made me unsettled. so i dropped a few tears and heaved a few sighs and continued perservering. i did it all for today, becos i myself wanted today to be a success. i was really on the edge of the rocks that day.

mr heng was at his usual "motivating" mood. with his constant rants and shouts, the band didn't have much of a choice but to move fast, play well and most importantly focus. i could tell he really wanted us to make a change today, he wanted things to go well. and so, everything had gone as smoothly as it could possibly be. the sec 3 leaders are slowly beginning to shine, much better than when my batch first started out. we did many things. one by one each person gave the band their own piece of mind, their own motivating speech. mr heng, mark, andrew ng, ambrose all stepped up, and i must say all of them did help in a way. but most important of all, we prayed, together as an entire band.

at first i didn't like the idea when ms tan was really like forcing everyone to pray, even those non believers. and this really drove away all the mood i had for praying, since i felt i had already prayed enough for what was to come. but i was utterly wrong in my judgement. christians in my band were invited to pray for us, matheus, daniel and the ever so inspiring ming xuan. so strong is their faith and their belief in god that it is hard to doubt that god would help us. and so as one body, we called on the holy spirit, on jesus to lead us. we prayed for ms tan, that she would be empowered. i tried hard to concentrate, we all tried hard. i wanted to trust in jesus.

then before going up the stage, i had this sudden feeling of anxiety and nervousness, something i don't normally have. and so i prayed quietly by myself, not once, but thrice, imploring jesus to take away all that i didn't need and want. and so i felt this warmth in my heart, like i was being comforted, and i thanked him. i wasn't really sure whether it was him anyway. but at that time ambrose was speaking, and he was telling the band that this would be the sec 4's last concert. then it came to me. 4 years in this band that i love so much, and it has to come to an end tonight. the last time i get to perform with everyone. trying to fight back my tears, i went up to perform.

indeed today we played our hearts out, but i knew it wasn't our best ever performance. flaws were detectable in many areas and there is still much room for improvement. but then it was much better than all our previous performances. mr heng was ever so joyful, proclaiming that the real cat high band is finally back, giving me and others unexpected hugs. i was in a more reflective mood then, not really that happy and stuff, just thinking bout, many things.

after clearing the stage, the entire band was hanging around in the corridor. i was feeling kinda moody and upset, having finished with my last performance. then came johnathan with a hug, thanking me for being a great senior. that was it, he had hit my tear nerve. tears were flowing uncontrollably from my eyes and i really tried my best to fight it back. i didn't want everyone to think i was unstable and all. but then more people came and hugged me, more coming to console me. it just couldn't stop, and i just let go for awhile. felt so much better after that.

many people came asking me, "why did you cry?" i don't really know why, maybe kristin or clarice can explain (knowing their experience in their last dance performance). well maybe i was touched by the people around me? in the end i just felt that everything was worthwhile. i always thought i wouldn't give a shit bout the band after i pass out. i didn't have this close relationship with the band itself. but i didn't know till today that actually the band means so much to me, all the sacrifices, all the efforts we've all put in to build it up to what it is today....well....i would just like to thank god for granting me such a wonderful family, such wonderful juniors and friends and teachers. this has indeed changed my life. i thank and praise him.

time now is 3.05am, came home really late after the concert. but i just felt the need to put this experience down in words before i forget it. realised that this entry is actually damn long, so god bless you if you manage to read till here. haha. cya guys around.

elegance al esplanade 2005. who would have known that today would be so fulfilling, so meaningful, so touching? before today everyone in the band was going through emotional strains, emotional struggles. there was crying beneath the brave and seemingly calm faces and many were still left disappointed with our failure at WMC. this concert came as a chance for us to redeem ourselves, to show people what we're really made of. friday's rehearsal wasn't an easy one to go through, for me personally. was supposed to end at 5, but in the end it dragged till 7, becos we didn't play up to expectations that day. that day i had this great urge to go to church and pray for many stuff, my own struggles and pains, my own life, my mother. but not being able to that really made me unsettled. so i dropped a few tears and heaved a few sighs and continued perservering. i did it all for today, becos i myself wanted today to be a success. i was really on the edge of the rocks that day.

mr heng was at his usual "motivating" mood. with his constant rants and shouts, the band didn't have much of a choice but to move fast, play well and most importantly focus. i could tell he really wanted us to make a change today, he wanted things to go well. and so, everything had gone as smoothly as it could possibly be. the sec 3 leaders are slowly beginning to shine, much better than when my batch first started out. we did many things. one by one each person gave the band their own piece of mind, their own motivating speech. mr heng, mark, andrew ng, ambrose all stepped up, and i must say all of them did help in a way. but most important of all, we prayed, together as an entire band.

at first i didn't like the idea when ms tan was really like forcing everyone to pray, even those non believers. and this really drove away all the mood i had for praying, since i felt i had already prayed enough for what was to come. but i was utterly wrong in my judgement. christians in my band were invited to pray for us, matheus, daniel and the ever so inspiring ming xuan. so strong is their faith and their belief in god that it is hard to doubt that god would help us. and so as one body, we called on the holy spirit, on jesus to lead us. we prayed for ms tan, that she would be empowered. i tried hard to concentrate, we all tried hard. i wanted to trust in jesus.

then before going up the stage, i had this sudden feeling of anxiety and nervousness, something i don't normally have. and so i prayed quietly by myself, not once, but thrice, imploring jesus to take away all that i didn't need and want. and so i felt this warmth in my heart, like i was being comforted, and i thanked him. i wasn't really sure whether it was him anyway. but at that time ambrose was speaking, and he was telling the band that this would be the sec 4's last concert. then it came to me. 4 years in this band that i love so much, and it has to come to an end tonight. the last time i get to perform with everyone. trying to fight back my tears, i went up to perform.

indeed today we played our hearts out, but i knew it wasn't our best ever performance. flaws were detectable in many areas and there is still much room for improvement. but then it was much better than all our previous performances. mr heng was ever so joyful, proclaiming that the real cat high band is finally back, giving me and others unexpected hugs. i was in a more reflective mood then, not really that happy and stuff, just thinking bout, many things.

after clearing the stage, the entire band was hanging around in the corridor. i was feeling kinda moody and upset, having finished with my last performance. then came johnathan with a hug, thanking me for being a great senior. that was it, he had hit my tear nerve. tears were flowing uncontrollably from my eyes and i really tried my best to fight it back. i didn't want everyone to think i was unstable and all. but then more people came and hugged me, more coming to console me. it just couldn't stop, and i just let go for awhile. felt so much better after that.

many people came asking me, "why did you cry?" i don't really know why, maybe kristin or clarice can explain (knowing their experience in their last dance performance). well maybe i was touched by the people around me? in the end i just felt that everything was worthwhile. i always thought i wouldn't give a shit bout the band after i pass out. i didn't have this close relationship with the band itself. but i didn't know till today that actually the band means so much to me, all the sacrifices, all the efforts we've all put in to build it up to what it is today....well....i would just like to thank god for granting me such a wonderful family, such wonderful juniors and friends and teachers. this has indeed changed my life. i thank and praise him.

time now is 3.05am, came home really late after the concert. but i just felt the need to put this experience down in words before i forget it. realised that this entry is actually damn long, so god bless you if you manage to read till here. haha. cya guys around.