update update! finally. i'm actually doing this at the most awkward of times. like 1.24am in the morning. but what else can i do? i'm online and there's no one here to talk to me. hai. haha.

today was really really good! had an 8 hour long session, solid session. so much fun, so much laughter, yet so serious at the same time. well that's all part and parcel of the preparation for confirmation retreat. started with praise and worship session (yay!) and we sang the potter's hand! one of my favourite songs. haha. well that's not the point. i had a great time thanking and praising god! that's the important thing.

next it was LONG talk by jude, but was fruitful and funny, as always. the kind of jokes that jude can crack, super crappy but at the same time reallay funny. joshua the 600 000 women guy! haha. well after jude was actually yea, joshua aka the beng's turn to talk bout prayer! again rather benefiting. but i was kinda switching off cos my mind was like going, "lunch..WHEN IS LUNCH..growls." that's my stomach by the way, not me growling. haha.

After lunch came THE NEW ACTION SONG! it's actually some old but really cool song which teri had introduced to us, then me, justin, adam plus other came up with the actions!i think everyone had fun, especially during the tremble part when we had to shake and shake.haha.boy did i embarrass myself?but anyway i had alot of fun! hope everyone had enjoyed it. did right? yay. haha.

The day ended with a really long sharing session between me, joan, justin, constance and jude. i feel that it's through the grace of god the 5 of us were actually brought together, and personally i feel this is a hell of a group. the sharings were deep, touching and i heard many things, things which suprised me. things which i actually wasn't expecting to listen to. there was crying, outpouring, funny yet so profound at the same time. next we laid hands over each other, starting with jude. thank god that we have a great prayer dude in justin sim, whose words were constantly inspiring. they just came out, as if the spirit was prompting him to say all those things. jude teared, which was amazing, cos i've never seen him like that before. oh how ignorant i've been all this while, when my brothers and sisters were constantly being tormented by their pains and struggles.Yea so justin wasn't the only good prayer leader, jude was too. everytime he spoke, he spoke with such conviction, with such emotion, that i couldn't help but listen in awe. how wonderful is god, we are his instruments and he uses us.

During the whole time, many things were going on in my mind. Things like, what am i gonna do after this, why is this taking so long and stuff. Looking back, i kinda feel rather guilty, rather inadequate, being such a weak human being, unable to resist even these slightest distractions. under my breath i was praying, "jesus, i'm sorry for not being able to focus on you. please help me put all these things aside lord and use me. for i want to experience your holy spirit." well it was something like that. yea so when they were praying over me, i tried very hard to get a manifestation. but how wrong was i to do that. for now i know, relax and be yourself, for the lord will work through you in his own unique way, at times when you won't even notice. while praying for joan, my hands started to tremble (shh, dun laugh now, this is not song time). was it the spirit or was it just me? i tried to stop and it seemed to, but it continued soon after. why? this is so confusing.

people say i'm holy and stuff, future priest and all that bullshit. but based on my reflection and my actions, am i even worthy of you people saying these things bout me? like jude said, jesus is constantly knocking at the door of my heart, but it seems that the knob is spoilt or something. so many a time have i tried to squeeze it open, with all my might, all my strength, but why doesn't it open? now i sit at the door, tired, not knowing what to do. while jesus is constantly knocking knocking and knocking....jesus...OH HOW I WISH I COULD OPEN THIS DOOR OF MINE! *cries*

i've found someone whom i can talk bout God with very easily, someone who has been beside me all this while, my mum. i don't know what prompted me to start talking to her today, but in a matter of a few hours, we had talked about alot of things and i actually shared my struggle with her. from home, to kfc, to the optician, on the cab, in the lift, at home again, talking talking about God. She said something about, we are made perfect with God plus also reinforcing the point i learnt earlier in the day, the words jesus said, "Love one another as i have loved you." She gave me advice and also shared her own personal experiences, times when she lost her temper, or when she couldn't cope with work. all she had to do was sing come holy spirit, and all the power would come to her no matter what circumstance. The holy trinity lives in us, and so often we forget this important point. With God in our hearts, what is there to be afraid of?

"The holy spirit is the manifestation of the father's love for his son", is that correct? i wish jude were here now to answer. these words made me ponder, what does it actually mean? maybe not really the manifestation, but just as simple as being the father's love for his son. i shall take my time to slowly think of this, for i'm nothing but another stupid human being living on earth. oh how confusing can God be. Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!

Like mum said, speak to jesus in any way you like. speak to him in hokkien, chinese, even in your own language, HE WILL UNDERSTAND YOU. haha how funny is that. atppsijgpireyrphsreyh! hey jesus what did i just say. haha. well mum even said, we can even SCOLD JESUS. wow blasphemy. but one thing for sure, jesus is forgiving and will love us even if we do many things against his will. thank god for that!

BLESS YOU IF YOU HAVE READ TILL HERE. it's kinda long. sorry. haha. cya peeps ard!

update update! finally. i'm actually doing this at the most awkward of times. like 1.24am in the morning. but what else can i do? i'm online and there's no one here to talk to me. hai. haha.

today was really really good! had an 8 hour long session, solid session. so much fun, so much laughter, yet so serious at the same time. well that's all part and parcel of the preparation for confirmation retreat. started with praise and worship session (yay!) and we sang the potter's hand! one of my favourite songs. haha. well that's not the point. i had a great time thanking and praising god! that's the important thing.

next it was LONG talk by jude, but was fruitful and funny, as always. the kind of jokes that jude can crack, super crappy but at the same time reallay funny. joshua the 600 000 women guy! haha. well after jude was actually yea, joshua aka the beng's turn to talk bout prayer! again rather benefiting. but i was kinda switching off cos my mind was like going, "lunch..WHEN IS LUNCH..growls." that's my stomach by the way, not me growling. haha.

After lunch came THE NEW ACTION SONG! it's actually some old but really cool song which teri had introduced to us, then me, justin, adam plus other came up with the actions!i think everyone had fun, especially during the tremble part when we had to shake and shake.haha.boy did i embarrass myself?but anyway i had alot of fun! hope everyone had enjoyed it. did right? yay. haha.

The day ended with a really long sharing session between me, joan, justin, constance and jude. i feel that it's through the grace of god the 5 of us were actually brought together, and personally i feel this is a hell of a group. the sharings were deep, touching and i heard many things, things which suprised me. things which i actually wasn't expecting to listen to. there was crying, outpouring, funny yet so profound at the same time. next we laid hands over each other, starting with jude. thank god that we have a great prayer dude in justin sim, whose words were constantly inspiring. they just came out, as if the spirit was prompting him to say all those things. jude teared, which was amazing, cos i've never seen him like that before. oh how ignorant i've been all this while, when my brothers and sisters were constantly being tormented by their pains and struggles.Yea so justin wasn't the only good prayer leader, jude was too. everytime he spoke, he spoke with such conviction, with such emotion, that i couldn't help but listen in awe. how wonderful is god, we are his instruments and he uses us.

During the whole time, many things were going on in my mind. Things like, what am i gonna do after this, why is this taking so long and stuff. Looking back, i kinda feel rather guilty, rather inadequate, being such a weak human being, unable to resist even these slightest distractions. under my breath i was praying, "jesus, i'm sorry for not being able to focus on you. please help me put all these things aside lord and use me. for i want to experience your holy spirit." well it was something like that. yea so when they were praying over me, i tried very hard to get a manifestation. but how wrong was i to do that. for now i know, relax and be yourself, for the lord will work through you in his own unique way, at times when you won't even notice. while praying for joan, my hands started to tremble (shh, dun laugh now, this is not song time). was it the spirit or was it just me? i tried to stop and it seemed to, but it continued soon after. why? this is so confusing.

people say i'm holy and stuff, future priest and all that bullshit. but based on my reflection and my actions, am i even worthy of you people saying these things bout me? like jude said, jesus is constantly knocking at the door of my heart, but it seems that the knob is spoilt or something. so many a time have i tried to squeeze it open, with all my might, all my strength, but why doesn't it open? now i sit at the door, tired, not knowing what to do. while jesus is constantly knocking knocking and knocking....jesus...OH HOW I WISH I COULD OPEN THIS DOOR OF MINE! *cries*

i've found someone whom i can talk bout God with very easily, someone who has been beside me all this while, my mum. i don't know what prompted me to start talking to her today, but in a matter of a few hours, we had talked about alot of things and i actually shared my struggle with her. from home, to kfc, to the optician, on the cab, in the lift, at home again, talking talking about God. She said something about, we are made perfect with God plus also reinforcing the point i learnt earlier in the day, the words jesus said, "Love one another as i have loved you." She gave me advice and also shared her own personal experiences, times when she lost her temper, or when she couldn't cope with work. all she had to do was sing come holy spirit, and all the power would come to her no matter what circumstance. The holy trinity lives in us, and so often we forget this important point. With God in our hearts, what is there to be afraid of?

"The holy spirit is the manifestation of the father's love for his son", is that correct? i wish jude were here now to answer. these words made me ponder, what does it actually mean? maybe not really the manifestation, but just as simple as being the father's love for his son. i shall take my time to slowly think of this, for i'm nothing but another stupid human being living on earth. oh how confusing can God be. Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!

Like mum said, speak to jesus in any way you like. speak to him in hokkien, chinese, even in your own language, HE WILL UNDERSTAND YOU. haha how funny is that. atppsijgpireyrphsreyh! hey jesus what did i just say. haha. well mum even said, we can even SCOLD JESUS. wow blasphemy. but one thing for sure, jesus is forgiving and will love us even if we do many things against his will. thank god for that!

BLESS YOU IF YOU HAVE READ TILL HERE. it's kinda long. sorry. haha. cya peeps ard!