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  • credits.
    layout: lyricaltragedy
    inspiration: reversescollide
    Sunday, February 15, 2009
    hello world. its been a long time.

    many, many things have changed since my last blog post, and it'll be crazy for me to recount all that i've gone through these past few months, things that were happy and sad. well, to summarise everything, first of all would be that i've gone into a new dimension with regards to my army life. I've assumed my role as a platoon commander since graduating from OCS, which means, higher expectations on me, more work, greater stress levels and a hell lot of demanding men. but of course, being an officer comes with a lot of benefits as well, eg. more money, more freedom. i'm still in the process of adjusting though. and i say its difficult when your scope of work suddenly involves an additional 40 people. no more, me, myself, and I.

    secondly, i've continued to pursue my love for choral music! and now i've found this great group of friends whom i've had lots of fun and laughter with for the last few months. Plus, all the late night suppers and talks, not forgetting all the wonderful singing moments. Thank God for these people, because without them i seriously have no idea what i'd be doing with my life at this moment, besides serving the nation fervently. now at least, i have something to look forward to on weekends and it seriously helps to push me forward, week after week. so thanks chorale people, for everything so far (:

    sunday's a perfect time for emo blogging. because the next day comes the start of an entirely new week. recently, i've really found it difficult to find joy in my work. the reason probably being the lack of support and friendship that i'm getting from some of my colleagues. and i don't think i deserve any blame for this problem, because its not like i haven't been making any effort to accomodate these people, despite all their disgusting girl talks, irritating methods etc. Sometimes i even ask myself why i'm doing this. I just can't seem to click with their kind of talk, and sometimes, i can't even stand the look on some of their faces. i just wish for them to be more understanding, and not be so overly critical. the weeks ahead would be so much easier, if only i had people whom i feel like i can count on, people who can show more concern, beyond the minimum expected.

    for now, i just hate the fact of having to work with some people, because its just so difficult, and irritating, and unenjoyable. there's no camaraderie, no shit whatsoever. feels like, every man for himself. or maybe its just me by myself? who knows. if only i could just escape and run away. i hate this!

    if only i could escape and run away from these people. cut all ties. sometimes i just feel like doing that. or better, sometimes i feel like strangling them. but most of the time, i end up feeling like i have to hang on to whatever little friendship thats left. otherwise i might just end up being all alone. how did i even end up in this state! rah.

    you might be thinking that i'm referring to quite a number of people, but actually, i'm only referring to 2 people. and to my dismay, these are the 2 people i have to work most with every single day. AH.

    i seriously hope they don't read this. but gosh. the feeling of finally letting out something is totally awesome.


    Sunday, June 22, 2008
    hullo world! i decided that i couldn't leave this blog stagnant and empty anymore. so i decided to post up something. maybe to let my friends know that i'm still alive and well. haha.

    anyway! service term's ending in a few days, and i'm gonna be a senior cadet soon. unfortunately, i've been posted to combat engineers, which field of engineers i'm still not sure as yet. WHICH also means brunei next week ): i don't know what to feel about it but i just think its too sudden. its like you're gonna go to a new place already, yet before you even go there you have to go to a foreign land and experience this foreign sickening jungle with people whom you might not even know. i just feel its quite senseless and stupid to go overseas training at this kind of time. rah. then again, i can't wait for a change of environment. tango wing has been getting quite sickening lately, i must say.

    on top of everything though, i just wanna be thankful for one particular thing: church. ever since the first day of confi camp which i so fortunately attended, i think church has probably been the thing that's been keeping me happy. I was really happy to be able to play on the first day, to just move in the presence of God, and having that passion to bring people to Jesus, to help people understand how wonderful and awesome he can really be.

    i guess the thing i've been praying most about recently is for more youths to know God, probably because i've been inspired by the recent confi camp. To me, nothing beats the feeling of seeing new people developing the love and passion for Christ, and knowing that you yourself had some part to play in it. and i must say i'm really blessed, to have so many other friends in church who are brilliant to work with, who can really understand how you feel about things, and sharing the same common passion and interests. i just really pray that the youth scene in SFX will continue to go in the correct direction.

    and i'm so happy that i have LOG. today's canteen was really fun, and i'm thankful people like brandon and rice appeared again (: i'm just really thankful for each and every one of you special people in my life. you guys really mean a lot to me man! thank God for each of our own charisms and strengths, and the wonderful bonding that we have with each other. we always say, LOG is dying LOG is dying! but i never once believed that we would die. instead, now i can see God moving in us again, actually putting us back on track in some way or another, although the guys may be in army and stuff. so lets continue to build on whatever we have now okay!

    its really kinda sad when after such a happy weekend i have to go back to camp. but then again, its the same sickening shitty feeling i get every week. WHEN IS THIS EVER GONNA END ): rah.

    to my juniors and stoners: GOOD LUCK FOR YOUR MIDYRS!
    to the usual gang: when are we gonna ever meet?

    i've never felt so reflective in a long time. and i seriously think all my thoughts + this entry was inspired by God.

    sigh okay. back to the shitty feeling.

    off i go (:


    Sunday, May 11, 2008
    This must have been one of the busiest and quickest weekend bookouts i've ever had. And for the first time i have to go all the way to jurong by myself! which means i have to leave at 6 because we're booking in at 8. rah i haven't even got time to take my weekend nap. ohwell.

    2 courses offered to me so far! Aerospace Engineering for NTU and SMU accountancy. plus NUS hasn't replied me. (although i expect them to do so very soon) So, now i really find myself in a tough dilemma because i seriously have no idea which one to choose. and i only have till like what june 2nd? thats damn little time! okay Aerospace is supposed to be some prestigious engineering course. but then its at NTU, which is located at the corner of jurong. even further than my camp. so its like rah! if i go there i can forget about coming home. and i'll probably miss church, or chorale, soccer matches, so many things. NUS! please send something to me. quickquick. so i can make my decision.

    anyway, i'll be embarking on my lovely 12 day field camp from tmr! so i guess i'll be missing lotsa stuff. things like champions league final, SOV, birthdays of a few people, vesak day, stayover. really not looking forward to it, because i predict that we'll be going through lotsa shit, and feeling like shit as well. and its like we have a shitload of stuff to carry and everything and when we come back, a shit load of washing to do. hahaha. bottom line: this is shit. aye, hope i survive and come back with my face in one piece. lol. gonna have to wear my dirty helmet for like forever, the very thing which is causing all the pimples on my face. Rah. irritating.

    TO MY (beloved)CHOIR JUNIORS:
    all the best for SOV! i've been going back week after week and i TRUELY say i never get tired of listening to you guys. so have lotsa confidence when you go up stage on monday because you guys are VJ CHOIR! which is also, best choir in the world. (4th, to be exact, but whatever.) i really wish i could be there because its so gonna be a great evening (: and cc please don't watertap when you're doing the closing!

    because by the time i'm back, your birthdays would have been long over. god bless both of you (:

    AND SO! i depart again! i'll be back! (i hope.) haha. hope these people i mentioned do actually still read my blog! other than that. BYEEE people.


    Sunday, May 04, 2008
    There are really so many things in my life which i really felt like i wanted to do, but still ended up not doing. why? probably its because sometimes i can't get my lazy bum to move. or the enthusiasm dies off really quickly. many things would have been quite different, if i had bothered to make the difference for myself. Ah.

    I don't know why, but i feel like i'm more lonely these days. even though i'm like the only child or whatever, i haven't felt this way in a really long time? i feel like i'm not as close to certain people anymore, and sometimes i find it hard to continue conversations, because i'm missing out on so many of their lives. i'm trying to accept it as part and parcel of being detached from the civilian world, due to my duty to this country (sense of patriotism starting to sink in), but aye. its difficult at times. is this some transition phase or what? i'm still trying to figure. and somehow i feel like i'm lacking something in my life, though i have always said that its not the time. the lack of a special someone.
    anyway, here's something.

    quote Marcus's dad, "I'm already 50, and the average life span of a human is about 70 to 80 years old. So i only have this amount of time left to live, so please treasure this time that i have left!" his way of improving communication in the family. Sounds funny, but at the same time it strikes me. my parents are already 50 plus? and i guess your parents are around this age as well. another personal reminder: treasure your parents.

    the next few weeks in ocs are gonna be much tougher. God please give me the strength to go ahead, amidst the struggles i will face.

    man utd for the premiership and the champions league!


    Sunday, April 27, 2008
    AH leonardo dreams of his flying machine. can't get enough of it man. totally marvelous song.

    damn i'm quite sad i can't go for SOV because the repertoire this year seems really good. And i personally think the choir is in quite good shape for SOV as well. why we never have a repertoire as good as yours last year ): hahaha. man i wanna singg.

    i swear i'm gonna watch a movie on my next bookout. I HAVEN'T WATCHED ONE SINCE december last year omg. i feel like some stone. hahaha. okay that didn't sound quite correct. AND i want to watch we will rock you also! rah.

    the problem: Nobody to jio. hahaha.

    anyway. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAYLOOEETING! this comes many days in advance since i'll be in camp and i can't blog. congratulations, you are one year older. but still the xiaomeimei we all know. haha kidding la!

    damn i wish i could move my bed at home to camp. i love my bed.


    Sunday, April 20, 2008
    okay haven't blogged for a long time. mainly because i have nothing to talk about except for army, which is like totally useless and pointless to talk about. PLUS dangerous. because i might just reveal some restricted thing and i get charged. haha. so don't playplay.

    anyway time really flies. 4 weeks in ocs is over! bout 35 weeks left? hahaha. doesn't sound so quick suddenly. life is tough, but i guess all of us will survive together i suppose. i guess looking forward to weekends every week helps me along. damn weekends are really precious. and i was just telling shuwei this weekend seemed particularly short, i think because it was quite a happy weekend for me.

    hmm lets see. early bookout for me, so i could got for my smu acc interview, which i did considerably okay in. visiting the choir and seeing everyone, which made me really happy. hongsheng's party where the food was good and where i got to see more people as well, people like my classmates. church this morning when for the first time we had quite a number of loggers around. nice lunch at thai express and hatos, and then rounded off with a nice nap at home. hahaha. well thats my happy weekend.

    listening to the choir yesterday really made me feel like singing again. and i'm really determined to join chorale, but just that i think i might have commitment problems. really wanna sing again, and even go korea next year ): worst of all i can't even go for sov, because i'll be in the midst of my 12 day field camp, most probably talking to the soil. while most of the other people are sitting in the comfy chairs of esplanade listening to VJ choir, which is Also, best choir in the universe. Haha. ah vjchoir is love.

    anyway new core voted! i really hope the new structure in log would suit us well, because i really treasure this community and i reallyreally hope we can stay together and move on. its really quite sad to see people not come and things remaining stagnant, and all of us struggling to think of new ideas, struggling to survive. hope God would lead us in the coming crucial months. i'm sure if we all continue to remember our purpose each week we come, coupled with constant prayer, things would get better. yup.

    okay siandiao i'm gonna have to leave for camp in about an hour. another full week of shit and tests and whatever. looking forward to next weekend already. HAHA.

    and i swear. man utd is gonna win the epl and the champions league. Goodbye Chelsea Barcelona Liverpool. heeheehahaha.

    alright, till next time my friends. (:


    Friday, March 21, 2008
    okay some selected pictures from pop. seriously TOO MANY. so here are some!
    my company marching in!

    this is bronco company.

    during the march past. can see me not! lol.


    THROW! POP LO! hahahaha.

    parents and me.

    pig & horse.

    me algaemon and hooney!


    the whole of platoon 4!

    how can we forget this picture? poster boy of NSmen. "Joy of a Recruit" HAHA KIDDING!


    AH BLOCK LEAVE IS ENDING. oh the horror i'm gonna have to leave this civilian world again ): its damn beautiful and slack here damn it i want to stay here forever. hahaha. 3 more days!!

    And it also means 3 more days left to apply for whatever uni course i want to apply for. applying for uni is seriously irritating but too bad we have no choice. haha. i'm seriously some lazy shit now rah. thinking about all the stuff i have to type out, all the courses i have to think about. kinda makes me sick. but anyway i'm getting nervous! cos time is seriously running out. i swear i'm gonna do up everything after core and service later.

    okay and i officially spent like around 600 bucks since block leave started? but thats like including the 400 plus i spent on my psp. YUP i have a psp now which i don't really play a lot. but i guess its gonna keep me occupied when i'm in camp, or when i'm on the bus or whatever. haha.

    anyway on a serious note. its good friday today! i think its been one of the more meaningful holy weeks i've gone through with the youth lenten program going on. i can still remember the last 2 holy weeks were quite occupied with choir, so really much less time to focus on my spirituality. but now that i am totally free, GUESS its time to concentrate. we had some event going on in the parish hall just now, and i really liked the sharings in my little group. Hmm one thing that really struck me was the part bout insecurities. bout how all of us feel insecure about many things and how we often need to prove ourselves in front of others to win their praise, just to feel more secure. AH seems relevant to me somehow.

    OH and we did the washing of feet thing, and i think our feet kinda froze in the aircon. HAHA. but it was meaningful and reflective. kinda enjoyed it yup. i think its kinda good i'm getting this opportunity to step back on my faith track again, because ever since i entered the army i've been getting knocked off, time and time again. its really a constant struggle i must say, and its causing me to take God for granted at times. sigh. when is this ever gonna stop.

    okay thats all for now. hopefully i blog again soon! because i bet after i go in i won't get the opportunity to blog again till after a really long time. rahhhhh. emoemo.